*sigh* I’ve been thinking about him so much these past couple weeks. He’s all I think about now and it’s been a long time since I felt this way for him. I won’t mention any names for fear that he’d Google his unique name and find this post. I’m thankful to Tumblr for making it hard for little unimportant posts like these to be lost amongst the million others making it almost impossible for outsiders to find unless they know your username. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. I’d die of embarrassment if he ever read this post, he would be smart enough to know it is about him. I haven’t spoken nor seen him in a couple years. My heart wishes everyday that one day me may bump into each other again and give us another shot. He broke up with his girlfriend recently almost around the same time I did with my ex. He even started dating her the same time I dated my ex. It almost seems too coincidental. If we ever did bump into each other I think he’d be a good sport and say hello to me at least. When we first dated it was just at the wrong time. I was young, naive and prude and he was the first guy that I ever had a romantic encounter with and he is so good looking as well. His yellow-hazel wolf eyes. His nose, his nose I’ll always remember how much I loved his nose. I have a thing for noses don’t ask me why. I always told him he looked like a bunny or a lost puppy. He always had this aloof look on his face. He’s tall about 5’11 and slim. He has an awesome beard and I go crazy for beards. He used to have long hair but now he cuts it short and I love it that way. He has several tattoos as well. He has the cutest smile ever. I never got a chance to actually fall in love with him. I don’t think I actually let myself only due to the fact that at that time I felt like I had to impress him and amount to the girls he had been with before. But now that I look back I was so foolish. He was very judgmental as well about my style though he never said anything directly towards me he always insinuated comments in conversation. How he didn’t like this how he thought certain styles were weird. I was going through some phases at the time, slightly ridiculous phases which I am now finding my true style and self as an alternative person. I think now he has matured more and grown up some more at least I hope. I know if he met me now I would be a much different girl than I was before in a very good way. But the catch is I don’t think I would want even if I had the chance right now, would I consider anything romantic with him since for me it seems he was so in love with his girlfriend but they parted ways due to distance I believe. But who knows what really happened so I would not put myself in the position to be a rebound. I’m better than that and I don’t deserve to be a rebound. But if I did have at least once chance to see him I’d want to kiss him again and be more passionate and loving. Show him everything I’ve got to offer and show him my heart. I’m sending a package to his aunt in a few days to return her book that she let me borrow a while back. One reason to it as well is to see if he will remember me and try to contact me. Which would make me the happiest girl ever. His aunt liked me a lot but his whole family really loved his ex girlfriend it seemed. How can I compare to that? But when I think of that I catch myself and say well I am not her, I am me and I don’t have to match up to her all I have to do is be myself. He’s so adventurous and it’s something that I truly miss because it compliments my adventurous spirit. One time he took me to this beautiful cemetery in his neighborhood and it’s a night that I’ll never forget. I don’t know what any other guy can do to top that. I don’t think anyone ever will. Whelp he’s in New York right now living and working, and he sometimes comes down to visit his family which is something else I love about him is that he’s very family oriented and is so great with kids. Oh boy I can go on and on but I have to go to sleep now, it is 1:49am. Writing this post has helped me let out some of these feelings again. I just want him in my life again even if it’s just as friends I don’t care. Goodnight.